


A Fucking Omnishambles

by Island_of_Reil



Category: In the Loop (2009) & The Thick of It, The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, I Don't Even Know, International Relations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9923957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Island_of_Reil/pseuds/Island_of_Reil
Summary: An ambassador from Scotizhan visits the Elflands. Things do not go smoothly.





	

“Good afternoon, Lord Berenar,” Maia said from his seat in the Rose Room. “Have you had a chance yet to speak with the ambassador from Scotizhan?”

“We did, Serenity,” Berenar said dourly as he straightened up from his bow. “And, we must say, it did not go very well.”

“How so?”

“He demanded to know why we had not arranged for all the newspapers in Cetho to cover his visit. We were at a loss, Serenity, for not only is this not within the purview of the Lord Chancellor’s office, it is not even within the purview of Your Serenity’s government. We politely explained this to him, whereupon …” Berenar cringed. “He was most uncivil to us.”

“In what manner?” Maia asked, fearing a potential diplomatic incident.

Berenar looked deeply embarrassed. “Would Your Serenity forgive us paraphrasing him? His language is extremely common, to put it very charitably.”

“Yes, of course.”

“He suggested we put a ladies’ hat, of the sort that would be uncomfortable for lady elves to wear, upon our purview and insert it into ... our nether passage, accompanied by the lubricated sexual organ of a stallion. And the suggestion was capped off by the epithet ‘thou pointy-eared fuck.’”

There was a strangled noise from Lieutenant Beshelar. Cala’s brows had risen well above his spectacles. Csevet looked unperturbed.

Maia, for his part, sighed. Then he reflected a moment, and he said, “Csevet, could you please have one of your undersecretaries write a note to our cousin, Osmer Nelar, and have it sent by courier to him immediately?”

Unlike the paraphrased remark of the Scotizheise ambassador, this request took Csevet aback. “Serenity?”

Maia, understanding the unspoken question perfectly, replied, “We have an intuition that our cousin will get along swimmingly with the Scotizheise ambassador. Please ask Merrem Esaran and the Master of the Wine Cellar to work together on providing them a space in which to converse.” Thinking again, he added, “And it should be emphasized in the letter that metheglin will be liberally served at this meeting, at no cost to House Nelada.”

“Yes, Serenity,” Csevet said.

“We would suggest,” Berenar said, “that, to make the ambassador feel at home, there also be served a particular confection native to Scotizhan, made of solid chocolate filled with nougat, then deeply fried.”

Maia’s stomach gave a little lurch, but he merely said, "Csevet, could you please also ask Merrem Esaran to inquire of Dachensol Ebremis if he would be able to confect such a foodstuff?"

“Of course, Serenity,” Csevet said, bowing and exiting the Rose Room.


End file.
